Was taken exactly 14 years ago. It was the beginning of a relationship that has shelved and defined every minute of every day since for me. It was the beginning of the highest and lowest point of my life. I have never fallen in love as hard and as fast as I did that time. We were 3 days in and I was besotted with her.
I have come to realise that my emotional instability at this time of year is due to me realising that I will never be as happy as I was in those few weeks. It cripples me, every time. I find myself looking at that picture, wishing myself back to that moment.
It also reminds me that two years later I would be at my lowest ebb, alone, surrounded by people that thought I was damaged and not worth saving.
These conflicting feelings have left me stuck for much of the time since. I feel like I’m still waiting for the good and bad to come around again to build me up and break me down. By putting this out there, I’m not seeking to drag up bad memories, I know I am the only one feeling this still, I just need to vent into the aether. I know no answers or solace will come from it, but by internalising it as I have, it just swirls around my brain.
Make me wonder where the time went. You will not save me, Be another stranger. I will leave this empty handed Feeling selfish, common as shit. Leave me questioning where your heart lands How you open-wounded withstand.
Leave me into some false pretense I will ruin you in a second, Leave it up to interpretation Open-ended invitation In your wedding, I can crush it Whisper in your ear “God I missed you”
It’s been too much, I can’t stand it. I won’t stomach it if I see you. Walking so tall, I can’t reach you. Happier pretty picture With some new pretty little blue.
